Sevilla King, LICSW

“Mental health disorders have risen in the United States. The increase is due to the rise in social media, the COVID-19 pandemic, and societal trends that have resulted in smaller family units and less community involvement.” (https://www.health.com/condition/depression/8-million-americans-psychological-distress) 

I could not agree more with this assessment. One of the biggest problems I’m seeing in my practice is a type of isolation that we probably haven’t seen before: one that stems from that we live largely in a fake world. From living almost exclusively in that world are downsides that up to now seemed only the domain of recluses, who we once pitied, by the way, because most of us couldn’t imagine being so. We once knew instinctively what a problem this was. Now we have all sorts of rationalizations for engaging in what was once considered a sad life.  

Since the dawn of the internet, much has happened. It has been the greatest boon for connectivity. Do you have a less-than-popular hobby (say, reading Martin Heidegger) and can’t find your peeps in town? Click a button and there you are with everyone in the world who shares your esoteric interest.  

So, in this way, the internet is a boon. We are more connected than ever. 

But…we are less connected than ever. Much of communication and connection is not verbal. It consists of communication conscious and unconscious – body language, micro expressions and movements, smells, non-verbal sounds and rich a tapestry of visuals not presented in digital bits and that can only be experienced in person. It’s a connection to the real, physical world and all the sensory nuances that go with it. 

 The problems I’m seeing are from the loss of this second form of communication. So many people have become completely accustomed to it. There is something that occurs when you live online – that thread keeping you physically in the world disappears. You enter “the bubble.” What’s happening within those four walls and a screen in the bubble seems real…you’re talking to people on zoom and all, and they look and talk in a way that your brain explicitly discerns as reality. However, so much is lost through the screen. And the more we live in the virtual world, the more meaning in life becomes ersatz, and depression, lonliness and isolation ensue – despite the fact we may have five Zoom contacts that day.  

What was once in person is now online, and it looks like that’s here to stay.  The online world is so unbelievably convenient. For example, a lot of time wasted commuting is gone. But this puts us in the inevitable space to lose our connection to the world. So, what we need to integrate back into life is actually going to take some work and intention, and maybe putting up with a little of that irritating going from place to place.  

It the past you had to show up in the office. This is often not the case today, but today perhaps you might want to go in a day or two this week even if you don’t have to. Not on the same page with a colleague on a project? How about working on it at the same table in the office, then going to lunch together. And the commute? I find getting on public transportation after not being on it for a week bizarrely fascinating! Is this what the kids today are wearing? And as a therapist, I’m fascinated by social behavior that I never see in tailored online videos. 

Looking at gorgeous snowy nature footage on the YouTube your friend shared? It might be breathtaking, but rather join her for a hike in the real thing. Yes, it’s cold but imagine after a stimulating walk, sharing a hot coffee in by a cozy fireplace in a little cafe you stumble across you never knew was there!  

Look at Psychology Today. How many therapists are “online only”? The majority. And, since we don’t have to be in person, many therapists have increased their client base by obtaining licenses in multiple states, so your chances of ever meeting them might be zero. 

In the room however, all those communication nuances bloom. This is why I make sure to be in person at least some of the time. My life has taken me away from the city, but I’m back in town every month for a refresher…and to meet new patients in person. This connection is invaluable, and the connections remain during the rest of the month, knowing we’ll really see each other soon – not just a waist-up facsimile of each other.   

For an excellent article about in-person therapy from the psychodynamic perspective (i.e. transference & projection, unconscious expressions) : https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/202306/the-3-essential-benefits-of-in-person-vs-online-therapy