Sevilla King, LICSW

This channel Thoughts on Thinking is hosted by a most interesting and intelligent young man, Spencer,  who has devoted his YouTube and social media presence to understanding and the practical use of Carl Jung’s work in a sort of coaching capacity. In this fascinating short piece, the Spencer discusses the effect of “the gaze” (as observing human being as an object) on someone suffering from social anxiety disorder (SAD).

With SAD, it’s common to think when someone is looking at you, they are judging you negatively. This is why Spencer aptly characterizes this look for the anxious person as a “gaze”. It is dehumanizing, objectifying. You read into, or “project onto” this “gaze” your own inner self-recrimination, typically ridicule. Makes sense, as the key attribute of social anxiety is the fear of embarrassment.  

Spencer makes an interesting point, which is someone with SAD may very well desire to connect with the observer. An aspect of the discomfort is the realization that they should or maybe even want to connect in a spontaneous way socially, or even in more intimate situations. However, the fear continues to hold them back. The desire but inability to execute is a red flag that something has been pushed down below the surface of consciousness and made “off limits” to their functioning.  But the desire also indicates that the possibility of overcoming exists; that for the anxious introvert, there is some access to a healthy amount of extraversion. But how to change the perception of “the gaze” from judgmental objectification to p2p connected?  

Very simply, Jung’s “goal” of therapy, individuation, was a complete and integrated Self. For our purposes, this means integrating “inferior” functions, as in the extraversion for the introvert. Jung would say that everyone has the capacity for all traits, and when the Self* is more fully integrated, one actually has access to a more expansive way of being, should they were to make these hidden traits conscious. That is not to say it is better to be an extravert – not at all; only that an anxious introvert could use a little extraversion to overcome the automatic feeling of being judged by others and actually connect with that “gazer” as an equal.  

When Spencer says that an anxious person “bypasses the shadow”, he means that the anxious person out of fear of the implication of this capacity (in this case, healthy extraversion), for whatever maladaptive association to it, has pushed down that capacity to the unconscious, the shadow, and then glosses over that forbidden, banished power as if it does not exist. But it nags at him with “shoulds” and desires.

“The inferior function is practically identical with the dark side of the human personality.” CG Jung 

These hidden traits, or inferior functions, need to see the light of day for us to be able to use them. For an introvert who desires connection but fears it, fears judgment could find ways of exploring extroversion. If we are talking about the gaze, then this means a new understanding of that gaze from the sign of a judgmental other to and invitation for communion.  

Spencer says expressing oneself while being watched, or exposure therapy is the key to integrating the inferior extroversion. This means meeting the gaze. Yes, this is exposing oneself to discomfort and the fear. But when I say meet the gaze, I mean meet the gaze with a reframe. Whoever looks at you in whatever way, this is still another person. And although you may have deep-seated feelings of your own oppression and inferiority – allow a frame to see the humanity in the other. When you see that humanity, you see your own and subsequently your own worth, and your own agency to access more of yourself than you thought possible.  

As Spencer said, “We integrate with the gaze so that something which feels foreign becomes familiar through human relation.”  
 

*Roughly, for this little blog: totality of mind, body, and external influences, past and present